I got called back for a second interview. And thanks to all of you who helped me out with that “future” question because guess what? They asked it again. And I totally kicked ass!!

But herein lies the problem.

I. Am. Afraid. Of. Change.

Whenever something comes along, I can  rationalize myself out of it, no matter what the situation. So, I get an email on Monday, asking me to come back for a second interview, and I stall. Do I really want this job? Would I really be happy doing this? Aren’t I really just moving from one crappy job to another? I won’t know anyone there, and I just started my little card business with Cristina. There are people at my office that I make custom cards for; will they still want me to do that for them if I leave?

Is it so hard to ask for something that makes you happy??? The only problem is that I don’t know what that is. So, in the mean time, I have to suffer through it until I find it.

I went to dance class tonight and I  love it, but… I’m in this class with people who have been dancing forever. Everyone is sooo in shape and I feel like this fat slob. My technique is no where near where I want it to be. I can get the steps, but I’m just missing something. And add on the 6+ weeks it’s been since I’ve last gone, due to my leave, and it’s just worse than before. I couldn’t even get my double pirouette today.

I just get so down on myself. I was so happy when I was on leave. Just taking care of the house, blogging, scrapbooking, reading. I know, I know, that’s a total slacker’s life.

I have a lot of issues, and there is no way I’ll be able to get to all of them tonight.  I’ve never brought these up before, but I figure, this is me. I’m learning to find myself on this journey I call oranginadreams. I just have to learn to take it one day at a time.

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