In the days of old, before this wretched surgery, I was the biggest sleepy head on the planet. I would take naps in my car during my lunch hour, come home from work and take a nap while I waited for James, sleep all day long on the weekends. I even bonded with my brother in law over the wonders of The Nap. Every night James and I would go through a routine that looked something like this:

L: Oh! It’s 10 o’clock. It’s getting late. I’m going to bed

J: What?!? Don’t go to sleep, hang out here with me.

L: James, I have to get up early tomorrow. I’m tired.

J: You’re always tired.

L: You would be too if you had to get up at 6:30 am every day for the last 6 years…

Proceeded by me running away to the bedroom, where I would read for about 10 minutes and sleep soundly. I’ll admit though, before the surgery, I was unusually tired, just falling asleep all the time.

I can barely remember those days.

I guess my body was just giving me a send off, getting all this nap time because it knew I would never sleep again. In the first few days after the surgery, I slept in a vicodin induced haze. But now, I am dealing with a) not being tired, and staying up until the crack of dawn (like right now) and b) being extremely tired, but not being able to calm my mind enough for me to stay asleep (like 4 hours ago)

I sleep on my stomach. And I toss and turn in my sleep. So, not being able to lay on my stomach is the most difficult habit to break, and having to favor this pain and the effed up muscles makes it even harder. Or I’ll get restless leg and have to get up to stretch. Or just go to the couch and watch Classic Arts Showcase until the sun comes up (which is a wonderful program by the way) Or try to sleep in a semi-quasi-on my stomach, half turned, propped up with pillows position which only works until my stomach starts hurting again, or my neck feels like it’s going to break. Or, and this is the best one, finally falling asleep, but then having the craziest dreams which stress me out to the point of waking, and then not being able to close my eyes without these images running wild. Fun! There’s nothing worse than being so insanely tired and not being able to sleep.

So, in the meantime I will just blog until my head crashes down and wake up when the sun rises. Too late.

Dammit, birds, shut up.

Sleep, if you’re out there, I miss you. We were the best of friends and I don’t know what I did wrong. I’m sorry if I took you for granted, but just know that I am thinking about you every night

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